So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Randomize
