Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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