Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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