i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Two words: blizzard sex
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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