Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
