I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
