What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
