If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
