My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
