i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
