M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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