your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We left an ass print on the piano.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
