umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
