I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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