We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
