plz talk dirty to me
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
