If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
