it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
