I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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