I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
