You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
