i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
