Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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