It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
