i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
