dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
