fuck your aforementioned shoe
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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