Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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