We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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