she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
