Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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