So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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