ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
