Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Randomize
