No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
