I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
