"it" just moved
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
