that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
