just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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