i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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