no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
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He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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