Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
