I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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