She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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