i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
