PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am midnight drunk by noon
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
