please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
