Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
