He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
