so explain again why im purple
no
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
