Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
