Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
