To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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