How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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