what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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