yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
