I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
