i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Found the puke drawer
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
