Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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