Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
