Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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