woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
