the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I bet he comes in French.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
