butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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