I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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