8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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