I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
