I am puke
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
